Happy Holidays, The Existential Holiday Card

From the inside of the card:

“I think I get the ‘why’ of it. But, I am not really clear on the ‘how’,” RB started. “I mean, it is not ‘around midnight.’ It’s ‘midnight, everwhere, all at once.’ How is that even possible?”

“Simple enough,” said Gears. “You have to look at it from outside. Remember reading about the whole quantum block universe theory?”

RB wrinkled his brow and flicked the gold Zippo open. “Yeah, I know. Imagine all of time, every little moment, inside a shoe box. Eternity, with a smelly old shoe, existing, like a pile of sand.”

Gears smiled. “I don’t think that footwear is a part of the theory, but, you are on the right track.”

“And, he exists outside of the box. And, he can reach in and touch any point he wants to by coordinating at least four different dimensions, to put the presents where, and when, they need to be.”

“Um. Yes. At least four. Possibly more. That’s the working theory,” Gears said, watching another present streak past the tower.

RB clicked and flicked the lighter a couple more times. “Because he has Eiger Time, his own personal, internal clock, not affected by our little universe, he has all the time in the world to make his deliveries. And, they appear, to us, showing up exactly at midnight.”

“Right.”

RB sighed again.

“So, in your theory, he could just go out on one trip, deliver all of the presents ever, just by changing his coordinates as he goes. That is one heck of a night!”

“Well, keep in mind that he could just be an anthropomorphic manifestation when he appears in our block of time. Who knows what he really looks like. Or, if he only has two hands. Or, hands at all.”

“Oh, come on. Now, you are just making stuff up!”

“There are more things out there, RB, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

“Shakespeare? Now? You could have just said that you don’t know.”

“What I do know, RB, is that this stuff always gives me a quantum headache!”